


Where there's light, there's darkness

by Careline



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 01:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6354016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Careline/pseuds/Careline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Rey is Kylo Ren's Jedi Master, despite being not much older than him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where there's light, there's darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I dreamt about this and I have no idea where this is going. I just remember that it had to end badly. That title doesn't really fit but I couldn't come up with a better...

Jedi Master Rey Kenobi had realized it a while ago. Everytime she was close to her Padawan, Ben Solo, also known as Kylo Ren, she felt a something between them. For a long time she had believed it was only the force, acting on them both as their bond of trust and friendship grew. She felt it whenever they trained together. She had definitely felt it grow stronger when they had their first woman to man light saber fight.  
However it was in that one night on Jakku, where they, due to unfortunate circumstances and Ren's uncertain temper, had ended up in a cave, with sand and stones caging them in.  
There they sat in utter darkness next to each other for a whole night. Rey remembered it with a mix of terror and pleasure alike.  
Originally from Jakku, she had spent her first years there alone in a cave very much the same, until Master Skywalker found her and took her with him. How he had known about her and her parentage she'd never asked, but finding out she was the granddaughter of a person so important was like a dream coming true.  
The loneliness and fright from her childhood came crashing back on her in that night. Despite the heat that had the planet in it's tight grip, she shivered and began to tremble like a leaf. Not wanting Ren to notice she had kept as far away from him as possible. Her anger at him had not yet vanished and the situation did nothing to change it.  
“I am sorry, Master Kenobi”, he whispered into the darkness and Rey startled, like she had already forgotten that he was there and that she was, in fact, not alone.  
“I know you are.”  
She didn't know if he had heard it in her voice or sensed it, but suddenly he was close next to her.  
“Are you alright?”, he tried again.  
“I am”, she replied coldly.  
“You are shaking”, he stated, matter of factly. She didn't reply, not wanting to show him her weakness.  
“You do trust me, master?”, he asked quietly. Before she could make up her mind what to answer, his arm snaked around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side.  
“Wha-”  
“I'm here”, he whispered and she thought that he had never sounded so manly before and it frightened her to admit it.  
Although he was only five years her junior, she had always managed to think of him as a boy. A young Padawan, her pupil, nothing more. But at that moment her thoughts shifted and the change threatened to be irreversible.  
In that darkness, cold and loneliness she allowed herself temporarily to be weak. She leaned on him, closing her eyes despite the pitch black surroundings and let him hold her.  
Neither of them spoke of it the next day when a group of Jedi came to rescue them. But for Rey it had been painfully clear from that day on. They were in great trouble.

Weeks after she felt that the feelings she had hoped would vanish again, were there to stay and only grew into something more dangerous. She decided to visit the Solo/Organa home.  
“General Organa”, she said, sitting down at a table with the woman she admired more than anyone else in the galaxy.  
“I must talk with you about your son. As you know the force is strong in him. Maybe even as strong as Master Skywalkers”, she said, rotating her mug slowly between her hands.  
“I haven't been a Jedi Master myself for very long and I am young. The time will soon come when I can't teach Ben anything anymore.”  
General Organa listened closely.  
“I believe it would be beneficial for him if another Master took over. Maybe even Master Skywalker himself”, Rey said.  
Leia nodded.  
“You know my son admires you a great deal Master Kenobi.” Rey looked deeply into her mug and nodded. “Maybe as much as he despises Luke, sadly.” She shook her head.  
“I think it will be hard to convince Ben, but we will think about it and talk to him.”  
There she had done it. She hoped Leia Organa and Han Solo would be able to persuade their son and her problems would dissolve themselves and she, no, both of them, would be safe from certain doom.  
She hadn't known how wrong she had been.

„May I come in Master Kenobi?“, asked Ben, startling her from some data she'd been studying.  
„Of course“, she replied and got up from where she was sitting at her desk.  
„My parents talked to me“, he began and she could instantly tell that he was upset. She nodded understandingly. She had known this moment would come sooner or later and she had dreaded it all the same. But now she had to stand to her decision.  
„Why do you want to stop teaching me?“, he asked his face as open as a book. He looked utterly vulnerable and it made her feel the tiniest bit of regret.  
„If I have offended you or overstepped any boundaries...“, he stopped as she vehemently shook her head.  
„No, that's not it“, she replied calmly, smiling. She had to be in control.  
„You are progressing so fast and you will soon reach the point where I can't teach you anything anymore. It would be better for you to have a master with more wisdom and experience teach you. Like your uncle.“ It was a speech she had gone through a thousand and one times in her head, having perfected it over the days in anticipation.  
„I don't want him to teach me!“, he shouted.  
She smiled, like one would do at an old memory.  
„You always had a bad temper... I have not been able to cure you of that. Maybe that's exactly why your uncle should teach you.“  
„I don't want to!“, he shot back.  
„Oh, my young Padawan“, she sighed, shaking her head again. Control, she chanted in her head. Be detached.  
„Stop calling me that! I am not much younger than you, yet you treat me like a child!“  
„Well, you're behaving like one right now!“, she replied, getting louder for the first time.  
Something in his face changed and it threw her off.  
„So what if I stopped?“, he stepped forward and regarded her with a long look, which she tried to hold until she couldn't. His gaze was so intense and she feared she might lose herself in it if she looked any longer. Rey chided herself for her weakness.  
„That isn't the only reason, is it?“, he murmured in a low tone, sending shivers through her.  
„I don't know what you mean“, she managed to answer with polite coolness, but her facade didn't convince him.  
„I know you feel it too”, he whispered softly and took another step forward.  
„I don't know what you're talking about“, she replied louder.  
„I know you are not afraid of me“, he said, coming closer still.  
„What...?“, her voice faltered slightly, as she looked at him with caution.  
„If you're not afraid of me...then why are you backing away?“  
Her back hit the wall and her eyes grew wide, like she hadn't even noticed she was doing it. He rested his hand on the wall next to her head, effortlessly trapping her there. He was tall, much taller than her. It had never been of disadvantage to her, because she was light and fast, but now he seemed impossibly imposing.  
„Is that really the only reason why you want to get rid of me?“, he repeated.  
„I don't want to get rid of you!“, she replied fiercely, her voice betraying her.  
„But you have to, right?“, he probed further.  
„Ben...“, she pleaded, not wanting to hear him speak it out aloud. She had tried to ignore it, to bury the knowledge somewhere deep inside of her, where it would never ever come out.  
„Because Jedi mustn't fall in love, right?“  
She closed her eyes, as if the words itself hurt her, when she opened them again he was only a breath away. The feelings in her chest rose like a phoenix from ashes, reborn and stronger than ever.  
„I am not forcing you. You can walk away if you really want to. Show me I am wrong.“  
It would be so easy, she thought. Duck out from his arms, walk away without looking back. But somehow she couldn't do it. Something pinned her to this very spot, may it be his gaze or his very presence and suddenly she knew. If he came any closer, they would both be ruined.  
He lifted his other hand to gently stroke her cheek. A thousand feelings exploded in her at the gentle touch.  
“This is wrong, Ben”, she whispered, barely able to form the words.  
“I don't care”, his breath ghosted over her lips and her eyes fluttered closed seconds before his lips softly touched hers. Rey found herself kissing him back before she could even think about it. She pushed herself from the wall right into his waiting arms and he held her tightly as if he were afraid she might vanish in an instant.  
She didn't know if it was the force or something else entirely that had drawn them together, but she felt that they belonged, like lock and key. And it felt good, and right. But it wasn't and never would be.  
When they broke apart for air, he rested their foreheads against each other, smiling.  
“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that”, he confessed quietly.  
Rey couldn't look him in the eyes, yet a sad smile tugged at her lips. She had never felt so torn in her life. It was like being pulled to different sides, one her duty and the other, her feelings for that boy.  
“What is it?”, he asked, sensing her turmoil.  
She gently entangled herself from his embrace, her face set.  
“We shouldn't”, she murmured, stepping away from him. She needed room. His presence clouded her thoughts, like she had noticed often before. Yet never did he have such a power over her and it frightened her.  
“Why though?”, he asked.  
“Because it's in the Jedi code!”, she replied.  
“Well, then it is wrong!”, he piped up. “Or is that code more important to you than your feelings?”  
The truth was she didn't know what to answer. She had sworn as a Jedi, but could those feelings really be wrong? She walked up and down the room, frantically trying to make sense of everything.  
“Look...”, she stopped and took a deep breath. She looked him in the eyes with as much honesty as she could muster.  
“I am at much as a loss as you are Ben, believe me!” She had not imagined this conversation to go this way at all. She had wanted to avoid this at all cost. That was why she suggested giving him over to Luke in the first place.  
“Rey”, he called, after observing her pacing for a while. It was the first time he had ever called her by her given name and the impact of it was ridiculous. She actually stopped and stared at him. Then sighed.  
“I will need some time to think about this”, she finally said.  
“Alright, but...how long?”, he asked, his shoulders already falling. It was a sight she hadn't wanted to see. Why did it have to be so difficult? Why did she have to like him so? Why couldn't she just be indifferent?  
“I really don't know. It's not only me being a Jedi, but you being my Padawan.” She sighed again. “If anyone found out, what would it look like?”  
“You care about that, do you?”, he spat bitterly.  
“Don't be dramatic, Ben.”  
“I'm not!”, he shouted. She laughed bitterly.  
“Yes, you are and it's not helpful at all!”, she snapped back. They glared at each other until Ben sighed.  
“Okay, I will consent to my uncle teaching me. If it means we could be together.” She turned away from him, not able to face him any longer.  
“I can't promise you that and you know it.”  
“Isn't there any hope at all?” Rey could feel his gaze on her back and his desperation was clear in his voice. At that moment she wanted nothing more then to give in and forget all she had ever learned. But how could she? So she said nothing.  
“I understand”, he whispered. She turned, her hand raised to stop him, but he was already gone.

Her way led her to General Organa's office quite by itself. She didn't know what she was doing until the doors slid open to reveal Ben's mother.  
“General Organa”, Rey said as if surprised to find herself there.  
“Come in Rey”, she replied in a tone that indicated that she knew what had happened. Ben must've talked to her. Not about their feelings, obviously, but about their argument maybe.  
“Ben told me he wants to be taught by Luke”, Leia said, getting up and around her table to a small table with four chairs. She motioned Rey to sit down and sat herself.  
Rey looked at surprised.  
“You don't seem too happy, Master Kenobi”, General Organa stated.  
“No, I am just...surprised. When I talked to him...”, her thoughts raced. “...he wasn't very keen on it.” Leia observed her deeply and Rey felt like she could read her very feelings.  
“Ben was very upset, it seems, but he agreed to meet Luke as soon as possible.” Rey nodded, not daring to look General Organa in the eyes. She felt more than a girl, than a Jedi Master at that moment.  
“Rey”, she said, taking her hands. “Before I am a mother, I am a woman and I know how it feels like to be conflicted over a man. I did marry a smuggler after all.” Rey's head shot up so fast that her neck hurt.  
Leia laughed. “I'm sorry. It's really nothing to laugh at.”  
“What do you think I should do?”, Rey asked. It was weird, asking for advice from the very mother of the man you were conflicted about.  
“I can't give you an answer to this, I'm afraid”, sighed General Organa. “But I understand that why you're afraid.”  
“I just don't want us to end up like-”, she stopped herself, shooting a nervous glance at Leia.  
But the commander smiled sadly.  
“Like my father, yes.”  
“I am sorry, I didn't mean to”, Rey began but General Organa held a hand up to stop her.  
“It's alright. Anakin Skywalker was different, weaker than either of you. He was easily drawn to the dark side, unlike your grandfather.”  
Obi Wan Kenobi, Rey thought and it hit her like a ton of bricks. He had been a Jedi too and obviously he had loved someone. Suddenly she wondered who her grandmother might have been. If he was strong enough not to let it ruin him, maybe she would too? And wasn't compassion and thus love the very core of being a Jedi?  
But what about Ben? Was she really arrogant enough to believe herself strong and him as weak as his grandfather? If so, was she even worth his feelings?  
The doors opened to reveal Luke Skywalker, carrying a grave expression. He stopped as soon as he saw Rey, checking his expression.  
Leia got up, already knowing something was terribly wrong.  
“It's alright Luke, what happened?” Luke looked at her, then at Rey.  
“It's Ben. He's gone. He left a note”, handing Leia the tiny patch of paper, which said the following:  
“If the light side of the force is keeping me from love, there is nothing left for me here.”


End file.
